Huge Life Lesson

If this post thing works out you should have read "Perspective" before you read this one.......

This is a lot of information to help set up what I was going through before I learned my lesson



Today is the best day to remember this as it is the 3 year anniversary of when my life lesson started, November 24, 2004. Life was more than crazy running a small business and that day wasn't any different. Heading to Grace after work for the "Wed Night" program, I was ready for a break. Right after the program was over I headed home, packed up Amber and an overnight bag and headed to Ohio for Thanksgiving. Arriving at my mom's house close to 1:00 am to find everyone still awake waiting to say hello. Exhausted from my day which started by teaching a BodyPump class at 4:30 am, I was more than ready for bed. But I sleep on the couch, so I wasn't going to get any sleep until everyone was ready for bed. I asked over and over again, "when are you all going to bed" it was already 3 am. Finally close to 4 am I found myself passing out on the couch, only to be awakened to my nephew crying. He wouldn't stop and no one woke up to help him...so I did. After the third attempt to get him back to sleep it worked, now it is 6:30 am and my mom is up getting the turkey in the oven for lunch. No sleep now because everyone is getting up. We eat lunch and everyone needs to get on the road to additional holidays, so I head back to Indy to get some work done. I head to the club and watch the Cowboys win as I am doing long over due paperwork. Head home around 9pm and you would think I would just crash, but I don't and I am tossing and turning at 3am. Then the alarm goes off it is 6am and I need to get back into work. I have no idea when I finally went to bed, all I know is that I am beat. It was a LONG day but I finally got home around 7 and brought paperwork home with me. I was planning on being in bed no later than 11pm, but I finally made it up stairs closer to midnight. Still cant sleep! I look at the alarm clock it is now 4am....then 5am, then 6am. Next thing you know it is noon and I need to get things done. I drag through the day back at work. Now since I slept till noon, but sleep schedule is way out of whack. I am up until 8am on Sunday morning and fall asleep while I was trying to get ready for church, wake up at 11:00 and now I miss church. It wasn't the first time I missed church, actually I haven't been to church for 4 weeks now. Sunday doesn't get any better, I actually get zero sleep. The day goes by very slow-but I don't remember any of it. I talk to Luke Monday evening and tell him that I have had around 10 hours of sleep since Tues a week ago. My body hurts with every step I take, I actually had to get a replacement instructor because there was no way I could teach the class. I wish I could say that I got some sleep on Monday evening, but I didn't-not even an hour. I watched TV, read a book, drank a glass of milk, moved to the couch, back to my bed-nothing. It is time to go to work, so I get a LARGE glass of coffee and head in. I need to sign checks and my hand hurts trying to make my name legible. My stomach hurts like I have the flu, but I don't. My head is pounding with every heart beat. I call Luke and tell him I am stopping by after work because I don't know what else to do. The business is struggling and has been for a while, the stress has gotten to me-actually it has taken over my body and my life. 6:30 rolls around and I am heading out of the office, I call Luke and tell him I am actually feeling better and think I will be able to fall asleep. So I leave work and head home. As soon as I turn west on 96th street the pain in my head and stomach returns. What in the world is going on with me. I have no idea, so I call Luke to see if I can come over-no answer. Then call Rob and ask if I can come over to talk, he says come on by. I remember walking into his house and into his kitchen. He looks at my and asks "what is wrong with you?" and I lose it, I just breakdown. I remember that his daughter Amy is in the other room so I pull myself together and ask if we can go in the other room. After talking and praying he tells me that I am in a level of depression. That happens when any one of your tanks get low. You have a spiritual, physical and emotional tank. For me all three were very low. When one starts getting low your body will let you know....you will feel a little "stressed or overwhelmed". If you don't do anything to bring that level of that tank up or if another tank starts to get low you will hit a level of anxiety. Our body's are design to go into protect mode and they give us plenty of warning signs. The next two signs you will get you wont be able to ignore, the first is depression and the last is nervous breakdown.

So now to my lesson I learned.

Rob explained many things to me, and I was surprised to understand English after the lack of sleep that I was getting. He told me that even though we both realized where I was, things were not going to change over night. He said that I would have to proactively do things that I liked to do and be around people that refueled me. Also that I couldn't bring work home which would allow me to start to separate work from home. The part that was hard to swallow was when he said that it would take 30-60 days to see some light at the end of the tunnel. He prayed over me and I headed home with two things planned out. Movie with Rob and Susan on Friday and Jan 1st in Chicago going to see where Rob grew up. I headed home and I did feel better, but as I turned into my driveway I felt sick to my stomach. It was different this time, I knew in my head that it was alright that I felt this way. It was after 10:30 when I got home and I went directly to bed. I SLEPT LIKE A BABY. It felt like I slept for days, I did wake up at 8:00, called into work and told them I wasn't going to be there until noon. I went back to bed! I would like to tell you that everything started to work in my favor, but it didn't. It was a hard couple of days at work, but I was looking forward to the movie on Friday night. I went to youth group on Wed night and sat with my guys for the whole night. Church wasn't the only thing for the past 3-4 weeks that I missed, I also wasn't staying for the entire evening at youth. Thursday night I headed over to Luke and Jen's and Friday night was the movie. Since Tues I started sleeping more and more, getting around 8 hours each night with the help of Tylenol PM.

I changed my perspective and took control of my schedule and life. Fast forward to February and I am feeling much better. Looking back I spent time EVERY night hanging out at someones place or youth group since that Tues night at Rob's. I also took Tylenol PM since that night as well. It is the 17th and the night before we leave for the Winter Retreat. That night was planned as the night to stay home alone and to not take any Tylenol PM. I made it through the night without going anywhere, but I did take 1/2 does of the PM. It wouldn't be till April when I finally stopped taking the PM.

My perspective has changed and stayed changed since then. Every day I wake up and I choose my perspective for that day. There still is 24 hours in a day, the only difference is that I enjoy them now.