It's Thanksgiving.....let's go to the movies

Let's play a game of what if.....

What if we went to the movies, but this time the theater was filled only with people that you knew. Stand up turn around and look around the theater. See all your friends, family, neighbors, co-workers, people you go to church with and those who live in your community. Everyone came to the movie today to see "your life".

What if everything you have done with your life was recorded, EVERYTHING! Have you ever seen the Truman show? This would be even more than that. Some how the producer recorded all your thoughts, actions feelings, etc. since you were born. It took them a long time, but they now have it all together. That's what is showing at the movie theater today!

So everyone who has ever known you is sitting in this huge theater ready to watch "you life".
Are you nervous?
Your friend who thought you were always positive will now see what you were really thinking as you both interacted and shared life.
Your neighbor, who you smile and wave to, will see you role your eyes as their dog is in your yard again.
Your boss will see all the work that you really don't do.
But I am sure you have done many good things also, but just like all movies...what will people leave remembering about "your life"?

I sat processing yesterday the above about my life and life in general. It would be more than a disaster to have this happen to any of us. You might even have a little anxiety building as you read this, I know I did. I don't think anyone would be winning an Oscar for their performance!

This all came to mind as I was thinking about God's love for us. We cant do anything to earn it nor can we do anything that will take it away. But the movie of "our life" has been known by Him even before we said what we said, thought what we thought or did what we did. Through it all, he doesn't love us any less, not even a little.

So on this day of thanksgiving, I am thankful for many of the same things everyone is thankful for- friends, family, great food, etc. But what comes to mind this year that hasn't in the past is God's Love. All the rest of my life comes out of the Love that He has for me and you.
With all that I am truly blessed and truly thankful.

I hope that you take time today and think about how much God loves you, no matter what you have done or even if you even know who he is.

And for knowing that be truly thankful!

Every smell, sight, experience....Really???

In a recent conversation with someone they explained to me that everything we have experienced (sight, smell, touch, conversation everything!!) is still in our head.

Remember when spring hits, when you walk outside and smell the grass growing and flowers blooming-yep it's in there.
Since that has happened to me every year, they are all there.
Every conversation that I have had with people, yep it's in there.

Kind of hard to imagine it, but the more I think about it...it makes sense to me. Scientist say that we use less than 10% of our brain, not that the other 90% is dormant-but rather not being used.
{Some of my small group guys are probably using closer to 1% but that is for a later post!!}

This 90% is where past memories are along with more space for future ones. So when an amazing 80's song comes on that I haven't hear in 20 years (that hurts to think it has been 20 years!) I can still remember every word, it makes sense!

Why does this matter? Good question!

Who we are today, right now in this moment is a by product of all those past memories. The way we respond to others, the way we love, the way we trust, the way we laugh and find joy.....all of that comes from our experiences. Follow me? If someone you trust keeps breaking that trust you learn not to be so trustworthy. If you are not loved, well you get my point.

So can you change? Can your past experiences be altered or changed enough to impact how you are today? tomorrow?

I know through Christ we are born again, that's not what I am talking about. I also know that through Christ all things are possible. But our memories create and make up who we are today, Christ is the filter that it all flows through.

Does this make sense or am I only using 1% right now?

Out of Control

Control and I go hand in hand.

I was going to state that I "want" to be in control, but realistically I need to be in control.

As I grew up I watched many people around me "set" their lives in motion down a path that I never wanted to follow. Many didn't go about it from the offensive side, but rather responded to what life handed them. This gave them the opportunity to blame life, because that's what was handed to them. I learned that if I wanted to go down a different path, it would cause me to take control of my own life. Now I struggle with turning over that control to the only one who really can command it. I know that I am truly not in control, but the struggle lies in "what is my responsibility and what I need to turn over to God."

Like a carrot dangling on a stick, motivating people to do things, God grabs a hold of my heart and directs me toward something. Very few times I realize what is going on in the moment. Usually I look back and wonder what just took place. When this happens I move yet another step towards God as he shares what breaks his heart. This weekend was one of those that I realized, within the first few minutes of meeting my little friend, that God was doing something.

It felt like we shared life for a months, not a few days.
It has been 24 hours since I said good-bye. Even though I am wanting to help more, I have this terrible feeling that I might not ever see him again. Watching the news is very different now! I use to tune into the weather and sports portions, but now I am listening to the crime and other breaking news. On the map I realize how the two attempts for child abduction was just a few blocks away from his house, wondering who is there to watch him!

My last blog entry stated that I am turning him over to Jesus, and I really am trying to do that. I realize I have no control with this issue and standing here palms up is all I can really do.

I am out of control, but it doesn't mean my heart doesn't break.

I can not even start to imagine how Gods heart breaks when he sees all of his children struggling across the world.

Handed back to Jesus

Have you ever wondered when we see "blue" things we think the color is "Blue"?
Why are the things that we know true? Because someone taught us that truth.
When we were little our parents taught us how to speak, our colors, the ABC's, counting to ten, etc. What if they told us that it was A, B, Z, D, E.... or that the grass was a wonderful orange color and the sky is yellow? Every time we viewed what others call green it would be orange to us or blue to others would be yellow to us.
Follow me?
Life would be different, and what we thought was right would be so wrong. Would life be more of a struggle? How would we interact with others? What would they think? Whose job would it be to help set us straight? What would that look like?

These last couple of days have been very interesting. One of those moments in my life that I'll look back and realize that "life has changed", the start of a different path. What caused that different path is this little innocent child.
*This little guy believes green is orange..........he doesn't know that he is so valuable, that Jesus loves him, that concern for a roof over his head is not his to worry about, or that he should worry about if they will have Medicaid taken away.
*This little guy believes blue is yellow.........he doesn't know how my heart breaks for his, that little things like bathing, brushing his teeth, eating breakfast, being put first in life, being hugged are suppose to happen daily.
*This little guy would be surprised to know that "Z" is out of place the same as ..........sleeping in a car is not normal, visiting your dad in the homeless shelter is not normal, dealing with why someone drinks and drives is not normal, how much money your mother makes is not normal and getting ready in the morning by yourself is not normal.

All I can ask is why????

My heart has been troubled and I haven't slept well these past few nights and I'm sure tonight wont be any different. What goes through my head.......Why did our paths cross? I know God has been a part of this experience-for me, for him, for both? Why? I pray that I do what God wants me to do and not what "I" want to do. So now what?

I hope that while he was with me...
He felt what love is like.
He felt what it was like to be 7 not 25.
He slept, he was secure.
That when he talked, he knew I cared about what he said.
When I hugged him goodnight, he felt the arms of Jesus around him.
That he trusted me.
That he believed in my words.
That others he interacted with really were interested in him.
That he enjoyed life.

I am so helpless with this one. Tomorrow I will hand him back over, and a piece of me will be gone forever.

So Jesus here he is, I hand him back over to you

through eyes that are not mine

What does my life look like through some one's eyes. Do I look like the person that I my heart wants me to be? Do I do strange things? Is what seems to be normal to me, not normal to someone else? Would life be better if we could change the things that are "not normal"? Or would changing the "not normal" take away the parts of life we love?

I watch my friend and from the outside he is very normal. Inside he is more than normal. He is an amazing person who is filled with the love of Christ. His smile and high level of trust welcomes in those around him. He's brilliant, I cant imagine what lies in his future.

What's normal? What is our responsibility when it comes to deciding what is and isn't normal?

You see he cant take care of himself, but he tries to. Sitting next to me I could sense something different to later find out that bathing once a week is normal to him. I asked what his favorite thing is and he can show me cause everything he owns is in one bag. Breakfast? Only when the government gives it out. The list goes on and on.

This isn't normal, but I am lost on what to do.

Our paths have crossed for a reason,

Jesus give me the strength and the wisdom with this one.