So since I received the text about Austin being in a car
accident on Friday evening, I haven’t been able to process what was happening
inside me. Different conversation this
weekend have allowed me to process what’s going on, and those conversations had
nothing to do with the accident.
Back when I was single and not a father, I felt this burden
when there were accidents and deaths with children. I kept telling myself I
could never be a father because I wouldn’t be able to deal with that level of
pain and sorrow. So if you never have kids, then you never have to deal with
that pain. Same was true with
marriage. I watch friends and family
members struggle with marriage and end things.
Families broken apart and pain set it.
So if I never got married I would never have to deal with that pain or
be the cause of it! God changed my
thought process little by little, and soon instead of focusing on “the pain”
that could happen, I started to see the wonderful joy that I could experience.
I believe that’s why my family was given to me overnight-God
knew that slowly stepping into this thing called family wouldn’t work for me.
So May 20th I was a single man and May 21st I was a
father of twin 15 year-old boys. Then
the following year on May 17th I was a single father of twin boys
and the next day I was engaged to my now beautiful wife. No slow stepping into anything there! As
always, God knew me better and knew how to care for me.
So I missed the 15 years of worrying about my sons
developing correctly, are the learning lessons that will help their futures,
etc. So all that worrying has been bottled into these past 3 years, and with
Friday night’s accident all my fears have hit home. We could have switched spots with this
family, that could’ve been us living in the trauma waiting room.
I am reminded about our conversation with Kirsten’s parents
at lunch this weekend. God models exactly what we need to do as parents. He is our heavenly Father who loves us more
than we can love one another or our children. He always gives us the door or
path that He wants us to go down, just like we do for our kids. But one thing
God does, that I know I am not good at and many of the parents I know are not
good at, is he gives us another door or path that we shouldn’t go down. There is pain and sorrow and hurt if we chose
that one, and most of the time that’s exactly what we choose. But He doesn’t
stop there! He gives us another opportunity to grow, to learn and to choose the
right path and come back to him. No matter how many times we choose the other
path, he always provides a way back home.
So He showed me this weekend that I need to quit fooling
myself about who is in control. No
parent, no friend, no girlfriend/boyfriend and no mentor ripped that door off
early in the accident and threw Austin out of the car early on to save his
life. Only his Heavenly Father could’ve performed that miracle. So that’s what
it means to trust God with your children’s lives. Not easy, but it’s true.
He also showed me that if I want to be a good father to my
boys, just follow his example. Give them guidance on which path or door is
right, and then let them choose. If they
choose the wrong one, lovingly welcome them back with open arms and guide them
towards the right path again-but let them choose! Also that guidance needs to change as they
get older.
Early on it might look like
you are holding their head in your hands making sure they are paying attention,
but that has to change to hands on their shoulder guiding them, one hand on
their shoulder and the other motioning the right way to choose-then the
difficult one where you walk next to them, as a friend. No matter what they choose you walk with them
and you guide them with your words and love.
Always pursuing them like our Heavenly Father pursues us every minute of
every day-even when we didn’t believe in him!
